Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
