I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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