I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
