flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
