lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
