if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize