I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
