Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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