I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
