apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
