woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
