well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
