i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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