You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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