Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
