weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
