watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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