I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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