I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
