Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
