Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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