lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
