Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
