Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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