Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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