i permit you to call me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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