When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
