So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
