you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize