its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
