Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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