It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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