My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
