am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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