During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
