i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
