Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
