Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
