The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
