I want to make a zoo with you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
