I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm passing your future prison.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
