News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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