i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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