and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
