so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
