The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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