Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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