I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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