I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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