But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
