Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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