Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
