There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
