Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
