Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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