Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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