She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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