so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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