glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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