So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
