he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
