your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
