I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
