I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
