honey bunches of taint.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
not ubering you a puppy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
