soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
