hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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