He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
