Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
