I'm jealous of your bromance
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
